Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize