i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
