The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Randomize
