I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
