Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
