This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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