Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
