Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
