Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I wish I only lived at night.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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