Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
