I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
honey bunches of taint.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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