I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
