Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
