Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
