i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
