how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
