Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
