i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
