is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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