I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
