i permit you to call me
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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