ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
