I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
