The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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