Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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