Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
