i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
