Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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