Slut skills are useful in every country.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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