Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
