i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize