That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
