Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Say something about gay babies.
did i walk over a car last night?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
