A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
