I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Randomize
