wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
