The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize