she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
