fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He shit in the fireplace
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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