The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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