i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
