hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
