She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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