dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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