I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
