so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
