Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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