So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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