your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
