So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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