dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize
