Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
