man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
