My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
