I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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