hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
