Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize