I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
