I feel great
I just peed on a car
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
