I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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