Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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