can u get pink eye on your cock?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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