i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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