I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
