I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
