Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
