I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
