Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
