your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
