I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
