i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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