i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
