One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
