i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
