maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
