I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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