Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
